You May...

You May…

These two words have a magical ability to make a task like “put your shoes on” sound less like an order, and more like permission to do something fun.

Instead of: “Put your shoes on.”

You get: “You may put on your shoes.”

I first heard these words at a Waldorf parent-toddler class years ago. If you've never experienced one of these classes, they're surprisingly peaceful, with toddlers drinking from cups and helpfully wiping off snack tables. "You may sit in your seat," the teacher would say. "You may help put the balls back in the basket." It all sounded a little peculiar at first, this new way of speaking, but I quickly got over it when I saw how well it worked.

"You may." It sounds like a privilege is being given. It's almost like the mind goes: “This sounds a little like an invitation... invitations go with parties…I like parties…sure I'll do this.

But at the same time, it's very much NOT a question. You're not asking if it's "okay," or "can you do it now?" -- which is a good thing. Because the truth is, we don't truly want to receive a yes or no response. Being truthful is important when speaking to a child, so why present a choice if one doesn't really exist? And that's why this works: we're giving clear direction, with no false choices.

And to top it off, the words "you may" come from a place of respect for a child. And the more we model that for our children, the more we will see it played back to us, and others.

Go on, you may give it a try.